From Lisa
Last week my daughter and I met with her college advisor to set up her freshman classes. During the meeting my daughter asked the advisor for advice when working with Professors. Without a blink the advisor said, “Over Communicate with them, always over communicate.” To which my daughter declared, “My mom ALWAYS says that.” We all had a short chuckle, but it is true. One of the best things you can do in your life is NOT UNDER COMMUNICATE.
Sometimes we think the other person understands exactly what is going on in our lives and there is no need to explain any further. Sometimes we think we just don’t have time to communicate a situation with others….. But I am here to tell you, you will save yourself a ton of time, pain and heartache by over communicating in the first place. Let me give you an example. When my daughters were first allowed to go to the park without parents, they were given walkie-talkies and told to tell me every time they moved from one part of the park to the other. They also HAD to always answer when I contacted them, or their privilege would be taken away. It only took one time of them not being allowed to go to the park without me and like magic they started communicating their every move.
Flash forward 6 years when they started driving, going on dates and going out with friends. Communicating their plans and change in plans was like second nature to them. It eased my mind quite a bit, because I always knew where they were or where they were headed. This created an amazing trust between us, which promoted all sorts of privileges their friends did not get.
In friendships and relationships, over communicating can also be helpful. Think of how many times we get wrapped up in our day and realize that it has been hours since we returned a phone call. How easy could it be to send a quick text letting your friend know that you will call them at ___ time or better yet, take 5 minutes to call them and iron out your plans. Over communicating shows respect of others’ feelings and time. It builds trust, clears up confusion and allows all parties to have a clear picture.
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Your friend is going through a rough patch in his marriage and his wife is telling him that it’s partly because they need to communicate more. He tries to talk with her more, perhaps asking about her day or talking about how work went at the office. She responds, but almost as if it were in passing. Maybe he experiments and changes the conversation to what he’s thinking about doing over the weekend or inquiring about her social plans. But she’s still not responsive, and he can’t figure out why. How many of us have experienced this lack of communication in relationships? Probably more people than we realize.
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Absolutely! Communication is hard work. It also requires a lot of adjustment. What worked yesterday might not work today. I think the first step is to be open and honest and to genuinely try.
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